Us :-)

Aditi & Ritesh...

Ab Na Ja...An Impromptu Performance - Bodhi Tree (Saplings), XL Utsav

My first performance at XLRI was this impromptu gig that happened at XL Utsav in 2005. Our seniors were in the process of finishing college and asked us to take the stage and the mantle of 'Bodhi Saplings' leading on to Bodhi Tree after we reached the 2nd year at XLRI.

It is definitely not my best performance by any standards but very surprisingly, it is the only video of mine when i have performed on stage; hence i decided to put it up on my blog. Also because it is one of my favorite songs by a band that i grew up loving a lot. Its almost like 'Patience' by GNR in the sense that its a soft ballad rock song from a relatively heavy instrumental, fusion, rock oriented band.

Anyways, overall the song has some discrepancies between the leads, drums and vocals as i had never performed with these guys earlier and if i remember correctly, the leads and drums didn't even know how i was going to sing the song and hence the lags :)

The people on stage are Sebastian Chandy on the Lead guitar, Jishnu Dasgupta on the Base Guitar, Purnima Dore on the Drums and Me with the mike...

Again...this acts as a reminder of the slice of life i left behind at 'the best 2 years of my life'...

XL Meri Jaan - Rock Version (Extremely rough cut version & possibly sounds bad!!)

Song: XL Meri Jaan (Rock Version)

Thought will put this up even though its nowhere near a finished product. Me and Saji just made in one go in 15 minutes with Saji on the Electric guitar, Beats on the Synth and Vocals by me.

Random stuff i know!!....but we had been thinking of creating this song in a studio in the manner that we created and played it in XLRI as part of Bodhi Tree. A lot of people have told us that we were stupid in not going ahead with that plan so thought at least will put this version up. I am aware that most probably we will never be able to recreate the magic of that song again but keeping it on my blog will probably keep reminding me that this is one more unfinished business...

Enjoy!

Filament - Initiating a new era in the field of Workplace Branding & Organizational Communications

I wanted to talk about the Organization where i currently work; a firm that was started by one of my closest friends and one that i believe has the potential to become one of the biggest names in the field of Employer Branding/ HR Communications in the near future.

Filament is a firm offering niche services in the space of Workplace Branding and Communications. It was founded by XLRI Jamshedpur alumni in 2008, catering to this drastic need of Human Resources. A great employer brand attracts great people, retains the best employees and greatly reduces employee costs. Oh and yes, it also helps the organizations that little bit in terms of employee motivation to make the company become stronger.

At Filament, we believe in the vital role of communications and workplace branding in the strategic role of HR. With our promise of continuous research, we help companies decide Why, When and How to communicate their employer brand.

We cater to a spectrum of communication needs across Employee/ Organization policy manuals, On-boarding Kits, Recruitment Brochures, Career Websites, Corporate Videos, Campus Presentations and branding/recruitment campaigns across print, radio and digital mediums etc. It is our endeavour to bring the ‘What’s New’ in the world of Employer Branding to everyone associated with this exciting change happening in Human Capital management. It has become imperative in this day and age to continuously brand and position ourselves, both the Employer and Employee.

So now if you have understood our Organization and want to know more about it or more importantly engage us in a creative project, you can reach out to us at the following co-ordinates:

Website: www.filament.co.in
Mail Us: Contactus@filament.co.in
Call Us: +91 80 41506017
Location: Based out of Bangalore but will 'Cater to the Wide World' :)

My Imagined Life - A life of Sound :)

If i had to live an entirely different life, I would aspire to be a professional musician...This is how it would have ideally panned out - (No harm in living out your fantasies through a blog...isn't it ;) )

I have always had a fascination for music and consider myself to be good Vocalist. I have been a part of various music bands throughout the years and in ideal circumstances would have continued to create music. Mixing reality with fantasy, the following would have been the imagined life:

I would start vocal training at the age of 8 years and in due course would join the school music band. I would also start experimenting with writing lyrics while in high school.

After joining college, i would be quickly noticed by the existing college rock band and take the role of the lead vocalist and songwriter. This group would win many laurels for the college in a few years after which we would convert ourselves to a professional outfit upon the recommendation of scouts from Music companies which support rock music in India. To support ourselves financially, we would perform at various festivals and concerts and keep promoting our music. We would finally get an album deal and get the recognition that we desire.

At our Zenith, we would be recognized as one of the great Indian rock bands who gave Indian music a worldwide name while experimenting with its different forms.

Later on in our lives, we would start an organization to give a chance to niche Indian musical talent to showcase themselves. This would be our way of repaying the musical debt. At the same time, our band would keep on playing for as long as it can for the joy it brings us.

Fall of Lehman Brothers, The Subsequent Global Recession & Impact on India - Developments that have influenced my thinking massively in recent times

The current financial crisis, precipitated in 2008 leading to the fall of Lehman Brothers on September 15th and beyond, which culminated in a full blown global recession not seen since the Great Depression has been a veritable eye opener for me. This is not least due to the fact that it directly impacted me in terms of my work experience while working as a consultant. More than that, it has shaken my complete and ardent belief in free market economics. I would not say that I have had a complete ‘U turn’ and become a believer in all the principles of ‘Socialism’. However it has definitely encouraged me to think beyond the concepts of a completely free market economy, one that has important aspects of government regulations and systems in place.

My formative years saw the turbulent period of the post financial reform years which started in 1991 after the balance of payments crisis which led to the opening up of the Indian economy. We had heard so much of the ‘Hindu rate of Growth’ till then, which remained at around 2-3% throughout the 1970-90 period. I belong to a middle class background and our consciousness then was shaped by the life that we saw possible for the first time as western goods and services started entering our country. Socialistic principles overnight started getting derided by us. Over the years, I have always believed that the choices that became available to us in terms of opportunities in education, jobs etc was because of these reforms that took place under the guidance of the World Bank.

I slowly started believing that the government was being mostly irresponsible by stalling the completion of the reforms process. I could see India moving forward only when the Government uncoupled the regulations stifling the Indian businesses, particularly manufacturing and financial institutions. There were examples of Industries like Telecom and Information technology doing extremely well just because they were outside the ambit of too many regulations and left to their own devices. Free economy was the buzzword and I had the belief that the domestic industries would do well if they were given a chance to compete with the organizations abroad. Indian businesses would not suffer because our products were of high quality and competitively priced, was what we had been told by our business leaders and I believed them.

This optimism was not pierced even when the IT bubble burst in 2000. It was seen as a small hiccup since the impact was hardly felt by a few people. Also the Asian economy crisis in 1997 was not looked at as an example since we were barely affected if at all. There were various discussions that mentioned that our subsidies predominantly to the farming community was not feasible in the long run and it was better spent on other important areas like building infrastructure etc in urban areas. It also needs to be understood that at this point of time, my understanding of the inequalities in India was restricted. I had seen the agrarian communities of North Indian states like Punjab and Haryana which seemed extremely well developed and suitably ‘rich enough’. Hence I had a belief that the government should have focused on removing the problems of the urban communities and make these cities really ‘world class’.

There were false hopes throughout the early part of the first decade of 21st century that somehow the reforms process would be pushed forward. After all the economy had been growing at close to 9% over a 5 year period and our foreign exchange holdings were touching new highs daily. There were even plans of creating a special vehicle for financing some of the immediate infrastructural woes. However, a concrete direction somehow did not materialize. It would not be wrong to suggest that my understanding of the situation was at complete odds with the governments view and hence my interest waned in the economics of various policies that were being debated. This continued till 2008.

On 15th September 2008, when the proverbial ‘all hell broke loose’ and Lehman brothers collapsed, the entire financial market in United States and Europe seemed to collapse very rapidly. However, strangely enough, the Indian Financial institutions except a solitary one remained mostly stable. There were fears of Bank runs and share price collapses but nothing of the same happened. This was particularly true of the state run financial institutions. As far as my perception is considered, they remained almost indifferent. This piqued my curiosity and made me realize that it was because of the fact that they were highly controlled organizations were they able to manage the crisis. To give a background, most state controlled financial institutions in India are former private banks which were nationalized in late 1970’s and early 1980’s. They are strictly regulated as to their investments and their liabilities since they manage a very large volume of retail accounts of low income households and hence their risk taking abilities are curtailed. Hence terms like credit swaps and derivatives are generally a strict no for them.

Suddenly, the logic behind government control and relatively high regulations starts becoming clearer. This signaled a major change in my thinking about various economic and social policies. The clincher in this argument was when the financial crisis led to the global economic recession. It is obviously correct to state that there are hardly any countries which were unaffected by the crisis. However, it is also very true that India survived and along with that kept the economic growth rate to an acceptable rate of 6-7%. I consider this to be a relatively high growth rate considering the scenario that confronted us all. What has also helped is the turnaround in terms of employment growth which was sagging considerably 8-10 months ago. The investor confidence is back and there is currently a possibility of FDI and FII inflows increasing. I realize today that I had simply been wrong about the policies of the state and had been blindly following arguments about the reforms process which were not grounded in reality. In fact I would not be able to talk about such contrasts if it had not been for the global recession to jolt us in our thinking.

Essentially what this meant is that the socialistic tinged policies of successive governments had come good. The regulations that had been place in the economy had made sure that there was no hyperactive growth which could not be sustained. The banking institutions were properly funded and hence they were able to meet their obligations while at the same time providing credit for small and medium enterprises which had suffered. Even sectors which had been relatively badly hit were able to manage the situation by securing large contracts from public sector undertakings which were flush with finances. This was definitely the case with the IT sector. State policy also had a significant role in making sure growth rates did not plunge. An example in this case is the focus that had been provided to the rural households a few years earlier by better irrigation and drought management facilities. Subsidies in the form of cheap fertilizers and free power had been provided so that the food security and employment did not suffer. A scheme called the NREGA (National rural employment guarantee act) was put in place where a minimum employment of 100 days in a year was guaranteed to people below the poverty line. This was to supplement the income of landless farmers and people in rural areas and was to provide payment even if no work was available, though at variable rates. It was a massive form of subsidy by the government considering our per capita GDP and there had been murmurs against it when this scheme had been launched. However, today it is feted as a landmark regulation even by the private sector. The reason being, it has boosted rural incomes and spending power. Hence while there is a recession outside the country, the organizations have been able to target these rural areas to keep their growth rates on target. As per various estimates the difference in GDP growth due to such rural targeted schemes is between 1.5-2% per annum.

It must be kept in mind however, that the successes have been made possible due to the opening of the economy which started in 1991. The schemes were made possible because very simply, we now had the money to finance them. Our economy had been on a very healthy growth rate for over a decade and a half and the money that it had generated was ready to be of use. However, the state had made sure that regulations were going to be a part of the system and free economy was tinged with protectionism. To just contrast the aspects that have been mentioned here with those of USA, it has come to light that even when the American economy was growing in the early 21st century, it was mostly impacting approximately only the top 2% of the population. Again this was the segment which was worst hit during the recession and hence the overall scenario got magnified. It had a cascading effect on the large number of indirect jobs that were dependent on these jobs. Looking at India, we had been able to target both the rich as well as the poor so the interrelationship was probably stronger and hence one could rely on the other to bail them out. Even China has been able to keep up its strong growth despite interdependence with the US. This is because of its regulated and protectionist economy. As I mentioned earlier, I have not taken a complete change in direction and have started advocating policies being completely aligned to socialism. I am still a believer in the reforms process and governments not interfering too much with the economy. Is the Government completely right? – No, Is it on the right track? – Yes. I now believe that a balance has to be struck somewhere between regulation and free reign. Concepts like the bottom of the pyramid have a place in economics. The target for all entities, be it the government or the industries, should be all levels of this pyramid. Obviously, there might be some inconsistency in the targeting but no one should be forgotten completely. Theories which were popular earlier like the trickledown effect which talked about the money flowing from the top to the bottom of the pyramid will have to be discarded or heavily modified. Else, the economic inequalities will keep becoming larger with rich becoming richer and poor becoming poorer.

Going slightly tangentially, since my changed understanding of the situation, I have been working with my father on a business plan to target employment of semi urban & semiskilled people. This is a ‘for profit’ venture which my father will undertake post retirement in a couple of years. Although this is in a very rudimentary stage, we came to the idea about training of such people who have skills but do not find avenues for employment. Also there is a huge requirement for such people like mechanics, plumbers, machinists, drivers, construction workers, healthcare workers etc who can be given proper and updated training and then gainfully employed as per the requirements. This idea was an extension of targeting the rural people by the government and other organizations. Also importantly, I have been able to think on those lines only when I understood their importance in our continued success in growing the economy. This would have not been possible had it not been for the collapse of Lehman Brothers on that fateful September day.

My Aspirations in Life

Personal

My aspiration is to have a fulfilling life where, when i am 60 years old, i can look back and feel happy about the richness of it all. Live a life where I have been able to travel across the world and experience peoples and cultures. A life full of learning and knowledge which i have used to makes others life better. A life where i hope to find a loving companion and give my parents the respect and comfort that they deserve. I want to achieve most of my dreams while simultaneously earn the respect of the people around me.

Professional

The 2 professional aspirations i have are lifelong learning and starting a venture in India in the future to help the not so privileged. My passions are in the field of Business Strategies, International Relations and Human Resources. Consulting is a field of work where i want to earn great reputation and expertise while helping companies break boundaries across the globe. I would like to end my career with a Training & Development firm to help the unemployable educated Indian youth hone their skills to end the talent shortage that we are going to face in the future.

Financial

Though i have never had an aspiration to be very rich, i would like my parents and family to have a comfortable life in the future. I would like to earn enough to reach a stage where i can start my own social venture in India without feeling any financial pressures so that i can simply concentrate on my work. Money is definitely important for me but not to the extent of lusting after it. However, i would like to reach a stage financially where i am able to help any person or institution that is in need of it.

Life @ XLRI

Found this small'ish' presentation on my drive and just thought would convert it to a video and upload it to my blog. It gives a wonderful idea about the greatest 2 years of my life and the institution that shaped many of my beliefs and made me stand up in life with greater confidence...it also gave me friends that i know will be with me for life....

Here is to the greatest period of my life till date...Thanks for all the cherished memories XLRI :)

Why Robin?

I have been asked this question so many times in the last 5 years that i think its better i will just lay bare the secret to this one...

Before the answer, let me tell you the reason for the question. I have a nickname 'Robin' which i have used for literally everything, from online and offline gaming, user profile to anonymous blogging...basically everywhere. Which brings us to the question...Why Robin? People have never been able to understand the reasons for me choosing such a nickname and using it so often. My friends even started calling me Robin instead of my real name.

Anyways so this the 'cheesy' yet true answer. My zodiac sign is Sagittarius and this Zodiac signifies the archer. Now, who has been called the greatest archer ever in the western world?...Er, Umm....Robin Hood!....and that is the correct answer.

Finally to round off my misery (er Mystery!) - This is as per Linda Goodman. No i do not read her books...i just happened to chance on one of her articles a long time back and quite liked reading about dreamy archers aiming for the stars...just that one time and never again.

I swear!!

The Happiness Mask

I found this image (copyright @ Frank Renlie) when i was searching for a suitable image for my blog. Just one of those recent days when i was quite moody and didn't know what i was really searching for. After an hour i was about to leave the hunt for another day when i came upon this picture and it immediately struck me that it was exactly what i was searching for. If you have been to my movie blog (which is incidentally not quite updated regularly and that is an understatement!!) there is a similar but not quite the same mask picture. The difference between that and this is the presence of 2 masks in that picture which does not reflect ME...that is just a picture showing expressions reflecting theatrics in the sense that it is exaggerated and are exact opposites in their reflection of emotions.

What i see in this Frank Renlie masterpiece (I do not have a great fascination for paintings except for very few which are really fascinating) is not just a man holding a mask. If you look carefully there are a number of things which will strike you. Firstly, the happiness of the mask is not an exact opposite of the emotions of the man. True he is sad but not in the traditional sense of grieving. Here the grieving has passed. For the lack of a better word, there is a deadness. Its almost like his eyes are saying 'I am feeling helpless, I do not know what to do at all, I just do not know the next step, I just want to be away from it all, I am desperate for happiness but have absolutely no clue as to how to find it and I am sick of everything. Secondly the mask itself can be interpreted in three ways. Is the man trying to remove his mask and show what he is going through or is he putting it on while showing us the glimpse of his depth of sadness or is he undecided.

My thinking is he had the mask on himself for a very long time but removed it when he could not take the unhappiness anymore. Unfortunately, destiny is cruel and removing the mask does not mean happiness returns. And now he is unsure since even the sadness has become unbearable. He is holding it while gazing into the distance looking for a divine intervention or solution but he knows that the time is near when either the mask will have to be put on back again if he doesn't find happiness to smile from within. And you might ask, why does he have to put on his mask?...Well it is because you have to start smiling for your world around you. Your family, your kids, your closest friends. It is also slightly more peaceful that ways. You run away from the questions and the sympathies and the advices.

Next time look around you in this world and try too see this facade on people. And there is a good chance that you will find it amongst your friends and family and god forbid...You. They will not come across as clinically depressive, in fact they can come across as extraordinarily happy or cheery. Just that they are not so in reality. Its a Happiness Mask that has been put up to shield themselves.

Next time Empathize with them...

While writing this piece, i was wondering about whether it is me holding the mask in the picture (Mask). The truth is I don't know...

Choose Life

Anyone who knows me well and understands what i have been through over the last couple of years would agree that things have not been...well, let us just say 'Normal', something that i desperately wish for. But lets keep that for later. This is my first post after the end of the 'noughties' era and i would at least try and make a positive beginning on my blog...even if that is someway off the radar in real life....

The quote that i post here is from a movie called 'Trainspotting' by our very nearly own Danny Boyle (yeah...the man who gave us the multiple Oscar winning and Indian branded Slumdog Millionaire). Somehow this movie is in some ways a reflection of the pain in life and what people including myself go through. However, it also has a quote which i have always found extremely reinvigorating if you think about it....Something that should 'probably' be my new year resolution...

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose life.

That is the end of my liking of this brilliant dialogue but there is more to it, and for people who chose that...well...To each their own!!

.....But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?

-----John Hodge

Let this year be the year of choosing LIFE...

Defining Pain

To God...Hope you are listening :'-)

I have over the past couple of years heard a lot of inspirational stories and seen a lot of rich presentations/ videos on motivation. More often than not, they have a message of keeping positive and telling us that failures are part and parcel of life, without which success cannot be achieved and infact success cannot be appreciated without it. I agree, wholeheartedly. Just that there is a small problem.

What do you about time? Till when are you able to cope with your situation if it is continuously going downhill. When do you say enough is enough and you cannot take it anymore. Furthermore, what do you do after that? What are the choices a person can make.

There is a theory where a lot of people mention about happiness and sadness having their own specific time lines and both definitely coming to an end after some time. Not sure about this though. Just take my case. Everyday my depression keeps becoming deeper. Everyday i think the corner is just about to be taken and i will be free again but it does not. I have been thinking on those lines for the last 2 years. That is an awful lot of time to be depressed :) and i am just tired, plain tired. Now how do i decide that its time to throw in the towel or not? Till when should i continue.

And hey, before you make a judgment call about me, let me assure you that i have tried...a lot! Tried to be happy and not getting bogged down. I have always got up and tried to push myself harder. Try and make myself better and try and adapt to situations around me. Sure, i have been grumpy sometimes but that has never stopped me from giving myself a good chance of trying to be happy. Oh and yes, i try to be happy every moment or at least most moments. A lot of times it is false and most possibly meant for other friends to make them happy but didnt someone say that your own happiness lies in the happiness of others? Hmmm...again an unanswerable question!

Another thing; i am religious or at least believe in god and used to pray, till a couple of months back when i realised that it is all so futile. The gods are not really going to help you. I believe in their existence completely but am not sure as to their work profile; as in what are they supposed to do if they cannot even guide you, forget about helping you directly. All i had asked was for some guidance to tell me the path that i should take but umhnnnn; sorry guys but God really didnt answer and the situation is not that great. So again; what should i do? Interesting question that!

I know some people will come and tell you that there is so much misery in this world and yours is nothing compared to that. Agreed that i am not physically handicapped, agreed that i not mired in poverty, agreed that i don't have abusive parents and definitely agree that i have had many more opportunities compared to so many others around me. However, pain is very very relative. Its almost like a child aspiring for a chocolate while a grown up man aspiring for a luxury car or an old man aspiring for comfortable retirement. Aspirations and pain are very very relative. A person might be poor but extremely happy. The opposite is quite true too. And i am sure you understand what i am saying. Everyone would have gone through some form of pain and sadness in their life. The question is, for how long?

You might ask why i am not thankful for all that i have got?...Well i am, i definitely am for having had some good times in my life but i can't just live on those memories for life, right? particularly when the painful ones are so near and recent. What are the next steps when everything that you do gets a spanner in the works. Every step that you take encounters a roadblock.

I consider my aspirations to be a happy and cozy dream. About finding life and soul within you and enjoying every living moment to its fullest. Why is it a crime to dream about this. Ok, now coming to the question of if i am tired with all of this, what are my options. Do i decide to end my life. Is it not an option of the losers or is it that god has to maintain a percentage of suicides every year and that some people will come to their end irrespective of how much they tried to resurrect themselves. Is there any other option; maybe just let go and let life decide for you while you do nothing and wait for some god to act. But isn't a purposeless life meaningless. Will you not become a dead man walking. Or you may decide to continue fighting but then again till when...or is there no end?

Just a final word. I recently heard a quote 'Keep swinging away' when you encounter troubles. Its supposedly a very famous quote by some baseball player of the 60's. I have one question, what happens when after swinging a lot of times, your arms are really tired. Do you drop your bat?!

Any suggestions! :-) (A very wry smile)

The Mask

At a certain point of time in the past, this blog used to be anonymous. This was like my personal diary where my sorrow would be buried, stored for posterity...memories that i want to banish from my head but am unable to do so. It helped me to sort the mental files when i was writing, probably because i could reflect somewhat and try and understand the plethora of thoughts and emotions that go through my head at any given point of time.

I am unable to share sorrow with anyone. Its very difficult for me to really tell what i am feeling when i am down in the dumps. The overriding story is easily told, but the emotions are not there. I hate it when people try to give me company during these times. Loneliness is the only option for me. It might work or might not but at least gives me the time to conjure the emotions that i feel will be acceptable to others or at least not make them uncomfortable.

The problem with me is that i am overly optimistic coupled with the fact that i feel that if i keep fighting - even for a lost cause - i might some how will be able to win the battle. I have realised that a lot of times my suffering has intensified because of the same reasons but this is one philosophy that i don't want to change. If a situation is bad, i will always hope that things are going to be good. If i am not able to achieve something in the first try, i will keep on trying till i am really exhausted. If a person tells me no, i will try to find out the reasons for saying so and try and change the situation and or change myself to achieve a favourable response, if the person is really important to me.

These days i am trying to come out into the open with my emotions and not act but be myself. I have been accused of - in jest probably - of either being the court jester or someone who cares a damn. Most of the occasions, i was actually happy with that outcome because it was me the actor, who wanted everyone to believe that and everyone did. I will not go into the right or wrong of this but at least it made some people smile at my antics. This article in the blog is a reflection of that change. I am not sure this is the right decision but at least it is a decision. However, let me make this absolutely clear. My emotions are my own and no one has any right on even a single part of it except the ones closest to me. The only people who have seen a reflection of my true side are those that i have been vulnerable to, the people that mean a lot to me and the people that i love - even though they might not reciprocate.

If i am removing my mask, its because i want to do it - for the time being.

The Quarter Life Crisis

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Talk about this with your friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"

My 15 Traits

1. I like to work independently
2. I value freedom in my life affairs
3. I crave recognition in life
4. I like to be creative in whatever work I do
5. I value close relationships highly
6. I believe in openness and candor
7. I am a very emotional person
8. I get angry very easily
9. I have a positive outlook in life
10. I wish to have fulfilling relationships in life
11. I am prone to bouts of depression
12. I am a very competitive person and like to take risks in life
13. I am a very energetic person
14. I am extroverted in nature
15. I am generally a very cheerful person

When Charismatic Leaders are at their worst (My Weaknesses)

• If we are in danger, we may brutally destroy everything that has not conformed to our will rather than surrender to anyone else
• We can be Vengeful, barbaric, murderous
• We develop delusional ideas about their power, invincibility, and ability to prevail
• We can have megalomania, feeling omnipotent, invulnerable. Recklessly over-extending self for something we want to do
• We will defy any attempt to control us and become completely ruthless, dictatorial-"might makes right."
• We become highly combative and intimidating to get our way: confrontational, belligerent, creating adversarial relationships
• For us everything is a test of wills, and we will not back down
• We use threats and reprisals to get obedience from others, to keep others off balance and insecure

When Charismatic Leaders are at their best (My Strengths)

• We become self-restrained and magnanimous, merciful and forbearing, mastering self through their self-surrender to a higher authority
• We are Courageous, willing to put self in serious jeopardy to achieve their vision and have a lasting influence
• We will probably achieve true heroism and historical greatness
• We are Self-assertive, self-confident, and strong: have learned to stand up for what they need and want
• We have a resourceful, "can do" attitude and passionate inner drive
• We are decisive, authoritative, and commanding: the natural leader others look up to
• We take initiative, make things happen: champion people, provider, protective, and honorable, carrying others with their strength

How do I deal with Negative Emotions

• I like to do what I want to do. If I am doing that I will surely be happy.
• I like to drift towards close people when I am feeling upset or angry. I like to be with them as I know they will be there for me when I require them and will take care of me. These are generally my very close friends.
• I like to listen to a multitude of music. It differs for different moods. When I am unhappy I like to listen to cheerful soft music. This makes me feel relaxed and keeps me composed.
• I also write songs when I am in a really bad mood. This diverts my mind from the reasons for my anger and keeps me occupied for sometime so that anger can ebb away.
• If I am very upset, I like to cry also. I feel that crying can be very helpful when we want to wash away our emotions. It gives us a very relaxed feeling like that of a dam which has burst and the water is now flowing serenely. It gives you the chance to objectively reflect on the immediate past.

Happiness Equation – What brings Happiness to me?

Happiness = (3P + 5E) * H¹⁰

Where,

P equals Personal characteristics such as outlook on life, resilience and adaptability.

E stands for Existence needs such as health, money and friends.

H is for Higher order needs like a sense of humour, ambitions and self esteem.

My happiness equation is like that because –

1. I have a pretty high expectation that my future is very good and I will be able to adapt to any situation and challenge that is thrown at me. I will be strong in the face of any adversity that comes my way and will be able to succeed in spite of them. Doing this will make me happy thus I have multiplied P by 3. I would like to increase my happiness by 3 times when I am tempted by the above mentioned characteristics.

2. E has a higher value for me in the happiness equation as I value my health and longetivity over a lot of other things. Money is also very very important to me and my personal state of happiness. The more the money, the higher is my happiness although this is to a certain extent. After that it becomes immaterial how much I have as whatever I have will be sufficient to satisfy me. Again my life very much revolves around friends. I will be dead if I don’t have friends or I am told to live a life alone. I want to have a large number of close friends with myself in my hour of need and also when I am happy. Due to all these reason I have multiplied my E by 5 as friends, money and long life will bring me greatest of pleasures, definitely more than the characteristics of P.

3. What brings me the greatest pleasure above anything else is my personal growth, my ambitions and the visualization of myself seeing them happening in my dreams and to a certain extent in front of my eyes. I probably am one of the most ambitious people around. I want everything I this world to be mine. Although I realize that for that to happen, I will need to work hard and I am prepared to do that. My need for recognition in this world is very high. I want to be recognized as one of the great people in the modern times and all my actions are self directed towards that course. Again humour is extremely important in my life as that is what enriches my life. Because I am so ambitious, I can get depressed or angry very easily. To not let this happen, I rely on humour to make myself smile and keep myself happy. Due to these reasons I have given H the most weightage, it is an exponential weightage as for every combination of P and E combined as mentioned above I want my life to be enriched by H ten times over exponentially. Only then will I be happy probably.

10 Things to do before i turn 30

Sadly this is not my bucket list....but if i were to die before 30....maybe it will be :))

Hmmm.....so the top 10 things that i want to do in no particular order are:

1. Be a Co-Pilot on a Sukhoi - 27/30 Fighter Aircraft - Heard you can do that in Ukraine.
2. Make love to the woman of my dreams in all possible ways in a night of uninhibited lust.
3. Buy a Yamaha Superbike and try to ride it to its max capability.
4. Go on a Luxury Cruise around Singapore.
5. Go on the Kailash Dham Yatra - Mount Kailash Pilgrimage and see Mansarovar in its splendour.
6. Go backpacking across Europe for a week.
7. See all the Wonders of the World.
8. Write/ Compose a song and release it to the Wide World.
9. Watch an Opera in the Sydney Opera House.
10. Go to the Oscars/ Cannes.

It would all be just so perfect if i can do this with someone i really want to share it with (wry smile!!).....